yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
