Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
