Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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