I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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