We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
