i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
