I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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