Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want her autograph on my taint
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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