Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
a search helicopter?!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
