Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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