I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
