I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
