found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize