you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
