If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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