I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize