the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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