clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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