Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
