so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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