I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
