I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
