You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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