I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
