I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
