five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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