I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
