dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
