While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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