i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
