The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
