As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
