stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
