thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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