I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
