I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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