seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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