There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
