How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
