Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're like the curious george of whores
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
