I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we should paint friendship bongs
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