Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
