sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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