man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
