I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
