the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
