Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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