my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
