Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
