I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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