im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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