She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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