Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
