guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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