Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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