i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
