Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
