oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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