um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
