Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
