Life is so much better after having sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
