ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
