she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize