Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
