my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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