Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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