you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
