You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
