Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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