my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i came on her dog
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
