I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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