can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
