hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
