I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
