You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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