Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
