hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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