Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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